Yesterday, a group member reminisced about a camping trip gone completely awry. After a black night of pouring rain and misfunctioning gear, a series of frustrating mishaps led him to become wedged in a car seat and unable to move. At that point he surrendered to the experience and felt joy. We listeners also found the story not sad and tragic, but uplifting, joyful and funny, identifying with the relief of finally letting go.
And so we add "letting go" to our list of grounds. Another member talked about the sense of "letting go" while sailing in the Caribbean, letting her guard completely down, feeling the experience in her entire body, allowing herself to be fully absorbed. Another talked about her work as a doctor, letting go into the functioning of the team and the needs of the patient. We have recognized many types of letting go, with many qualities such as acceptance, immersion, returning to what's important, shifting out of anger, relaxation, and appreciation. While "letting go" has some overlap with flow and connection, we feel that it will work well for us as a separate ground.
The counterpart to "letting go" is "holding back." We wonder if there is any way to hold back and still feel joy. It is a question for us to investigate.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Sharing Joy: Working with the Larger Group
Jenny and I are taking a break from our own practice in order to introduce the Joy Virtue practice to a larger group. We have been struck by how similar are the discoveries of the group and our own about the ground of joy. We all agreed that connection, flow, and trust werel a part of it. We agreed that there are many kinds of joy, even sad joy or heartbreaking joy, and that the opposite of joy seems to be alienation or disconnection more than grief.
It is often remarkable how similar are our experiences of the ground, and yet how different the ground might manifest for each person. Some find that flow happens most easily in new situations, others in situations that they are familiar with. Some find connection in people, some in landscape, some in working together, some in being alone. A number of people mentioned feeling joy when experiencing the grandeur of the mountains; but just as many people described the same joy when seeing the Manhattan landscape. And of course, some take joy in both. We are all interested to see where our investigation will lead us.
It is often remarkable how similar are our experiences of the ground, and yet how different the ground might manifest for each person. Some find that flow happens most easily in new situations, others in situations that they are familiar with. Some find connection in people, some in landscape, some in working together, some in being alone. A number of people mentioned feeling joy when experiencing the grandeur of the mountains; but just as many people described the same joy when seeing the Manhattan landscape. And of course, some take joy in both. We are all interested to see where our investigation will lead us.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Harvest
At our wedding ceremony Jenny and I vowed four vows, one of which was: "when you are present, I vow to be as joyful as I can be about your presence." We anticipated that joy would not always be automatic and easily accessible. We recognized for us the critical importance of maintaining joy to the marriage, and promised that we would work at it. Further, we saw joy not only as a fruition of our path, but as a critical ingredient to the path, one that would keep us open, connected and motivated.
We have been presenting the notion that for us joy is a virtue, that being joyful not only benefits ourselves but others, that it is something that needs continual work and support, and that it is, indeed, our obligation to work at it. Since we started this practice, we have been noticing how common this approach is. For example, I was surprised to see recently in a popular jobhunting manual the suggestion that deep joy was itself a mission or calling, an overarching purpose and orientation.
In the portion of the Torah that Jews read last week in the synagogue, there is the command to enjoy the bounty of the harvest, and to enjoy sharing it with others. As harvest time and Thanksgiving holidays approach, it is intriguing to consider putting our attention not only on an appreciation and sharing of all that we have, but on honoring it by really enjoying it.
A beautiful analysis of the Torah portion can be found on a friend's blog at http://parshathoughtsmore.blogspot.com/2011/09/parashat-ki-tavo-on-joy-and-arrival.html
We have been presenting the notion that for us joy is a virtue, that being joyful not only benefits ourselves but others, that it is something that needs continual work and support, and that it is, indeed, our obligation to work at it. Since we started this practice, we have been noticing how common this approach is. For example, I was surprised to see recently in a popular jobhunting manual the suggestion that deep joy was itself a mission or calling, an overarching purpose and orientation.
In the portion of the Torah that Jews read last week in the synagogue, there is the command to enjoy the bounty of the harvest, and to enjoy sharing it with others. As harvest time and Thanksgiving holidays approach, it is intriguing to consider putting our attention not only on an appreciation and sharing of all that we have, but on honoring it by really enjoying it.
A beautiful analysis of the Torah portion can be found on a friend's blog at http://parshathoughtsmore.blogspot.com/2011/09/parashat-ki-tavo-on-joy-and-arrival.html
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Creating Exercises for the Ground Of Joy
Jenny and I have entered the next phase of our virtue practice: creating exercises to till our "ground." This is something we always enjoy. These exercises will relate to one or more of the grounds of joy, not necessarily directly to joy itself. It is best if the exercises are playful, doable, a little out of the ordinary – small moments that are intriguing to our deep self and disrupt, to some degree, our habitual patterns.
For example, one of our grounds of joy is flow – when there is physical, emotional, and creative flow, we find it easier to be joyful. Anything that might get some flow going outside of our daily routine would probably work here. How about:
1) dancing hard to a Motown song within a minute of waking up?
2) talking animatedly for three full minutes, using not just our minds but our hands and whole bodies?
3) creating a painting together, using the method of throwing globs of paint on the canvas?
4) heavy breathing?
5) each of us gets two full minutes of applause from the other?
6) developing a cheer for the universe and performing a cheerleading routine to go with it?
7) slow dancing while doing the dishes?
8) doing tai chi together in the swimming pool?
Alternatively, we might play with flow by restricting it. For example, we could:
1) make the bed without bending our knees or elbows
2) have a conversation in which we count to three between each word
3) do the dishes with our hands tied together
The idea here is not that the exercises do or don't bring us joy. Rather, we are playing with the ground so that on a level outside of our awareness we can bring some fresh air into the issue of how, on a moment to moment basis, we keep ourselves from being joyful.
We aren't asking ourselves why, we aren't analyzing, we aren't trying to do anything about it, we are only playing with an aspect of it in order to shake things up a little bit. After a week or two or three of exercises like this, one after the other, we have been finding that what is shaken up begins to settle down into a new place, and, as if by magic, we have more access to our virtue.
For example, one of our grounds of joy is flow – when there is physical, emotional, and creative flow, we find it easier to be joyful. Anything that might get some flow going outside of our daily routine would probably work here. How about:
1) dancing hard to a Motown song within a minute of waking up?
2) talking animatedly for three full minutes, using not just our minds but our hands and whole bodies?
3) creating a painting together, using the method of throwing globs of paint on the canvas?
4) heavy breathing?
5) each of us gets two full minutes of applause from the other?
6) developing a cheer for the universe and performing a cheerleading routine to go with it?
7) slow dancing while doing the dishes?
8) doing tai chi together in the swimming pool?
Alternatively, we might play with flow by restricting it. For example, we could:
1) make the bed without bending our knees or elbows
2) have a conversation in which we count to three between each word
3) do the dishes with our hands tied together
The idea here is not that the exercises do or don't bring us joy. Rather, we are playing with the ground so that on a level outside of our awareness we can bring some fresh air into the issue of how, on a moment to moment basis, we keep ourselves from being joyful.
We aren't asking ourselves why, we aren't analyzing, we aren't trying to do anything about it, we are only playing with an aspect of it in order to shake things up a little bit. After a week or two or three of exercises like this, one after the other, we have been finding that what is shaken up begins to settle down into a new place, and, as if by magic, we have more access to our virtue.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Describing the Ground of Joy II
Today we are continuing our preliminary list for the ground of joy:
5. Whether the situation reinforces a basic sense of intrinsic goodness or trust –this might include a sense of innocence, faith, grandeur, decency, cosmic mystery, or unconditionality. For example, Jenny experiences it when she sees me holding my daughter's hand. I experience it when I see strangers helping each other.
5. Whether the situation reinforces a basic sense of intrinsic goodness or trust –this might include a sense of innocence, faith, grandeur, decency, cosmic mystery, or unconditionality. For example, Jenny experiences it when she sees me holding my daughter's hand. I experience it when I see strangers helping each other.
6. Getting what we really want – there may be a sense of good fortune, relief, victory, satisfaction, or excitement. This is perhaps the condition that comes to mind first for many people, that our joy depends on getting what we want.
7. Whether we are willing to be joyful –we are often simply unwilling to surrender into positive feeling. Of course, all of the virtues that we've worked with require a degree of willingness, but we somehow find that with joy this is particularly so.
These are our working conditions for the ground of joy. Soon we will begin to create exercises that play with each of these grounds, and as we do we might adjust or rethink some of them. We are both looking forward to next step.
These are our working conditions for the ground of joy. Soon we will begin to create exercises that play with each of these grounds, and as we do we might adjust or rethink some of them. We are both looking forward to next step.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Describing the Ground of Joy I
After several weeks of brainstorming, reflecting and noticing, Jenny and I feel ready to begin to enumerate what we think might be the conditions that enhance or inhibit our natural tendency to experience joy.
When we create our conditions list, we try to keep the process engaging and fun. We don't expect our list to be perfect, fully comprehensive or precise. We don't worry too much about wording. We leave our terms very open. For example, we find that joy is enhanced by energy flow. What is energy flow? While we don't come up with a precise definition, we still might imagine practices that enhance flow, such as dancing together or creating artwork.
Here are four conditions from our working list in no particular order:
1. Feeling connection – this might include connection to nature, to other people, a sense of being part of things, of being accompanied, a sense of affection, a sense that one is in one's "right element," in short, whatever sense we have that is the opposite of feeling alienated.
2. Energy flow – where there is more physical, creative, emotional, or even intellectual flow, we tend to feel more joy. When the energy is restricted or bottled up, we tend to feel less joy.
3. Whether joy seems "appropriate" to the situation – we may feel that a situation is too "serious," or perhaps we feel that we have been unproductive all day and don't deserve to feel joy. We tend to hold back our joy if we think the situation doesn't call for joy.
4. A sense of basic freedom – this might mean a freedom to move, to act on impulse, to relax and let go, to make mistakes, or some other sense of freedom.
We continue our list in the next entry.
When we create our conditions list, we try to keep the process engaging and fun. We don't expect our list to be perfect, fully comprehensive or precise. We don't worry too much about wording. We leave our terms very open. For example, we find that joy is enhanced by energy flow. What is energy flow? While we don't come up with a precise definition, we still might imagine practices that enhance flow, such as dancing together or creating artwork.
Here are four conditions from our working list in no particular order:
1. Feeling connection – this might include connection to nature, to other people, a sense of being part of things, of being accompanied, a sense of affection, a sense that one is in one's "right element," in short, whatever sense we have that is the opposite of feeling alienated.
2. Energy flow – where there is more physical, creative, emotional, or even intellectual flow, we tend to feel more joy. When the energy is restricted or bottled up, we tend to feel less joy.
3. Whether joy seems "appropriate" to the situation – we may feel that a situation is too "serious," or perhaps we feel that we have been unproductive all day and don't deserve to feel joy. We tend to hold back our joy if we think the situation doesn't call for joy.
4. A sense of basic freedom – this might mean a freedom to move, to act on impulse, to relax and let go, to make mistakes, or some other sense of freedom.
We continue our list in the next entry.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Joyful Body
We danced together on an empty, semipublic beach on the Connecticut shore. A passerby on a bicycle cheered us on. The following day the passerby, this time in a Mercedes convertible, stopped us on the street and applauded. The joy, it seems, was infectious.
We have been wondering about the connection between joy and our physical bodies: the surges of energies, the feeling of warmth, the impulse to dance or jump or shout. We are noticing how joy, whether exuberant or calm, whether intense or light, seems to reside in our bodies as a warm and energizing flow. When we connect to joy, this physical flow always seems to be there. We are surprised at how easy this flow can be, at least at times, to rouse. And we notice how contagious the flow seems to be once it is generated. So why don't we rouse it more often?
We have been wondering about the connection between joy and our physical bodies: the surges of energies, the feeling of warmth, the impulse to dance or jump or shout. We are noticing how joy, whether exuberant or calm, whether intense or light, seems to reside in our bodies as a warm and energizing flow. When we connect to joy, this physical flow always seems to be there. We are surprised at how easy this flow can be, at least at times, to rouse. And we notice how contagious the flow seems to be once it is generated. So why don't we rouse it more often?
Thursday, August 11, 2011
But Seriously ...
Jenny has been realizing that she associates joy with superficial or unproductive. If work is joyful, then it is fun but frivolous. It can't be producing anything of real value. Emotional growth, or the gaining of any kind of insight or understanding, needs to be painful or it isn't substantial. If it isn't "serious," then she can't take it seriously. As we do this exercise, we are beginning to challenge the dichotomy between serious and joyful. What does it mean to be serious? Can joyful also be serious?
As an art student, Jenny once shared with her teacher that she saw the process of making art as one that needed to entail great suffering. Otherwise, she could not feel that she had reached anything "deep" or worth saying. Her teacher suggested that she probably wasn't going to find being an artist a whole lot of fun. As we investigate the ground of joy, noticing what enables and what constrains our natural capacity to be joyful, we are finding that there are many different kinds of joy, some passionate, some bittersweet, some energetic, some calm, and so on. We wonder if there might not be a joy for every occasion – a sad joy, a cool joy, and perhaps even a serious joy. We leave it as an open question.
As an art student, Jenny once shared with her teacher that she saw the process of making art as one that needed to entail great suffering. Otherwise, she could not feel that she had reached anything "deep" or worth saying. Her teacher suggested that she probably wasn't going to find being an artist a whole lot of fun. As we investigate the ground of joy, noticing what enables and what constrains our natural capacity to be joyful, we are finding that there are many different kinds of joy, some passionate, some bittersweet, some energetic, some calm, and so on. We wonder if there might not be a joy for every occasion – a sad joy, a cool joy, and perhaps even a serious joy. We leave it as an open question.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Noticing How Joyful We Really Are
We are finding that we are more joyful than we might have thought. By allowing our awareness to settle on the conditions which enable or hinder our natural capacity for joy, we are discovering how many fleeting moments of joy we have that otherwise would have gone unnoticed.
This summer's recent heat wave is over, and every so often a cool breeze wafts by, soothing our foreheads, cheeks, necks. What a relief! The moment comes and then is gone, but it is so delicious while it lasts. Then the mind comes back in with all the worries, thoughts, and plans for the day. It is these afterthoughts that we remember when Jenny and I recount our day.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Joy and Connection
As we contemplate joy, we are finding a strong interplay between the feeling of joy and the feeling of connection. For example, we might be drawn in by a thing of beauty, feel a wave of affection for a friend, connect to the sacredness of a quiet moment, or experience the awe of the summer sky. Sometimes we are connecting to our bodies through exercise or dance, other times we are participating in a group project that has meaning to us. And somehow, perhaps, we just feel a part of it all.
Yesterday when the temperature reached 104 I decided to take a dip in the local pool. The water was still and blue, and reflected the green leaves of the shade trees above. I was alone and it was quiet. My body soaked up the coolness and the quiet like a sponge. I felt fully immersed. That for me was a moment of joy.
Do we ever experience joy without connection, or connection without joy? We are curious to explore this interplay further, between us and within the larger group. For now, we leave it an open question.
Yesterday when the temperature reached 104 I decided to take a dip in the local pool. The water was still and blue, and reflected the green leaves of the shade trees above. I was alone and it was quiet. My body soaked up the coolness and the quiet like a sponge. I felt fully immersed. That for me was a moment of joy.
Do we ever experience joy without connection, or connection without joy? We are curious to explore this interplay further, between us and within the larger group. For now, we leave it an open question.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Journey to Joy
When we start a new virtue, it's always thrilling and daunting at the same time. We wonder, "what will there be to say?" Isn't patience just a matter of being able to wait, compassion just a matter of being able to care, joy just a matter of generating positive feeling?
We picnicked in a local park, spring rolls and pineapple and carrot salad, a Metropolitan Opera recital within hearing distance. The air was finally starting to cool after a very hot day. As usual, we didn't so much define joy as talk about when we have felt it and when we haven't, what conditions seem to foster it and what seem to hinder it. This is what we call the ground of joy. I talked about kayaking and Jenny talked about leading a parade. We talked about times with our family and times with our friends.
Our investigation has already begun to surprise us. We find that for us joy is not incompatible with sorrow; in fact, they can be good friends. Joy seems to be most hindered not by sadness, but by disconnection and alienation. Joy for us involves a sense of freedom, of flow, of connection, and perhaps the feeling that no matter what happens on the surface, deep down there is something basically right with the world.
We look forward to continuing to till the ground of joy.
We picnicked in a local park, spring rolls and pineapple and carrot salad, a Metropolitan Opera recital within hearing distance. The air was finally starting to cool after a very hot day. As usual, we didn't so much define joy as talk about when we have felt it and when we haven't, what conditions seem to foster it and what seem to hinder it. This is what we call the ground of joy. I talked about kayaking and Jenny talked about leading a parade. We talked about times with our family and times with our friends.
Our investigation has already begun to surprise us. We find that for us joy is not incompatible with sorrow; in fact, they can be good friends. Joy seems to be most hindered not by sadness, but by disconnection and alienation. Joy for us involves a sense of freedom, of flow, of connection, and perhaps the feeling that no matter what happens on the surface, deep down there is something basically right with the world.
We look forward to continuing to till the ground of joy.
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